From:
Credit Suisse (donotreply@gtios.com) on behalf of graduate.recruitment@credit-suisse.com
Sent:17 November 2008 14: 04PM
Subject:Your Application
To: Berbetov84@hotmail.com
Dear Jeremy,
Thank you for taking the time to participate in the Credit Suisse Superday Assessment for an Analyst position within the Operations Division.
I am sure you can appreciate that the competition across our assessment days was strong and this always make these decisions very difficult. After further discussion of your application, we regrettably must confirm that we will not be extending you an offer to join the Operations Analyst Program.. We hope you will not be too disappointed and that you still found the experience worthwhile and enjoyable. This decision should in no way be viewed as a reflection on your own undoubted abilities and skills
If you would like to obtain some high level feedback on your performance at the assessment, then please call Carolyne Phillips at 6214 8767 for a short discussion. Leave a voicemail for her on this number if she is not available at the time you call and she will get back to you as soon as possible.
Please monitor our positions on our careers website at: http://www.credit-suisse.com/careers.
We wish you every personal and professional success with your job search and in the future. Thank you for your interest in Credit Suisse.
Kind regards
Campus RecruitingCredit Suisse
Your personal data will be retained by Credit Suisse for future recruitment and administrative purposes.
We will not disclose this information to any other external organization without obtaining your prior consent. If you do not wish for your personal data to be retained or would like it to be updated, please inform us by sending an e-mail to graduate.recruitment@credit-suisse.
Critique:
I would like to start off by highlighting the positives of this letter. Firstly, an appropriate tone coupled with the usage of subjunctive mood enhanced the image of the company. The message was concise without any spelling nor grammatical errors. More importantly, an appropriate indirect approach for rejection was used.
The letter started off with a buffer by explaining the situation before stating the bad news in a positive way. It closed off with a positive tone by mentioning that the decision was in no way a reflection of the recipient’s undoubted abilities. This would ensure that the recipient remains positive about seeking employment in other similar companies within the industry. Suggestions that the recipient might want to undertake were also highlighted.
With regards to the negative, firstly, the subject title was vague as it did not contain the company’s name. It could be improved by a simple alteration of the subject to “Your Credit Suisse Analyst Application” instead of a mere “Your Application”. Also, the statement “ Please monitor our positions….” had a tinge of bluntness tagged to it. A more appropriate way to start the sentence would be “We encourage you to monitor our positions…”
It would also be more appropriate to invite the recipient to email Ms Phillips instead of calling her for feedback so as to avoid awkwardness.
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ReplyDeleteHi Ji Qing,
ReplyDeleteI think your critique was very well written. I especially noted your great english, which made reading wince-free =)
Coming from such a world renowned company, its inevitable that the letter is professional and well versed. I must admit that i did not spot any negative points until i read your critique. Does this mean you are shrewder critique? Or did you have a hard time scouring the letter for negative points? Haha
Btw, it would be nice if you could post a photo of yourself in your About Me section.
So me and other classmates can recognize you in class =)
Hi Ji Qing:
ReplyDeleteYour critique is very accurate and precise. I almost overlook the negative points if you did not state them in your post. Anyway, I have to agree that your post is well-written without any grammar and spelling mistakes which makes reading a breeze.
As for the letter, I feel that instead of writing 'obtain some high level of feedback on your performance', how about 'further advices on improving your performance'. This sounds more encouraging to me. )
Linling
Hi Ji Qing,
ReplyDeleteWell done on your detailed analysis. I agree with you that the tone used in the letter was appropriate.
To add on to your analysis on the aspect of correctness, I believe the sentence "This decision should in no way be viewed as a reflection on your own undoubted abilities and skills" lacks a punctuation mark i.e. a fullstop.
Furthermore, a comma was used after the salutation, but not after the complimentary close. One suggestion is to use a comma after both the salutation and complimentary close. Alternatively, one can also opt for the absence of punctuation marks.
Hope this helps. =)
Regards,
May Chen, Crystal.
Hey Ji qing,
ReplyDeleteFirst of, thanks for your comments!
Regarding this post, your critique was well structured and the language used was proficient. I too agree that the statement "Please monitor our positions.." has a negative tone about it, but i guess this letter was re-used and mass sent to many other failed applicants. The company could afford to sound more personal with their letters, to avoid 'chasing away' failed applicants from applying in the future.
Hi Ji Qing,
ReplyDeleteNice analyst for the post. I certainty agree that the tone used is appropriate. More precise words can be used to enhance the whole letter..